9:06 a.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 15, 2005
Interview.. interview.. interview.. counting days and night
Risaunyaaa... Seraaamm... Aaaahhh.. i really-really have no idea how to overcome this bad feeling. I am worrying about my coming PTD interview on 24th June at SPA Bukit Timbalan. Very-very stressful, rasa cam nak pengsan dah ni. Helo, this is not my first time interview, right? Yes.. and in fact, this is the 3rd time interview specifically with Government body. My first interview was with JPA for IS Officer post and i have to admit i was terrible that time. The second one was with MPJBT also for IS Officer post, more comfortable compare to the JPA interview and i was very confident. But it made me very upset as i had been shortlisted until the final 2 but just to find out that they didn’t choose me. Ya Allah, i cried right after receiving the bad news.

So, this coming interview, i think the situation, the atmosphere will be totally different, but I am not sure!! I did a lot of info searching to prepare for the big day. My internet surfing reach nowhere but to the worse news, you know what? I found a few blogs which the owner used to attend the PTD interview before. Instead of giving a few tips or positive advice, all blogs are telling the bad stuff!! such as ‘ the interviewer made me feel like an idiot’, ‘Masuk blik temuduga, kena gelak dgn panel psl grammar berterabur’, ‘teruk kena fire dengan panel’, ‘nampak orang keluar dari bilik temuduga dengan mata berair’, ‘rasa nak menangis bila kena ‘belasah’ dengan panel’,’asyik terpk, hai, cepatlah dapat keluar dari bilik neraka ni’. So, what do you expect? Are you expecting me to relax and ignore all of them, pretending that i know nothing and have no idea at all about the risk during interview? Somebody help me! (this words sound very familiar, Tru Calling? Hehe)

Huwaaa!!! I do not know what to do. I asked many people who are in public service for any tips or books, suami kak jemah, isteri haji bada, usu etc. I logged in to PTD website, to JPA website. I went back to Kota digging out all my study materials, my notes especially which are closely related to management and Government matters. Ahaa.. i remember how my mum asked me to collect my Sekolah Agama Darjah Khas certificate, who knows, it will give an added advantage for me. I will, but if i cant, i hope my Darjah 6 Sekolah Agama ceritificate will help.

As per today, i had no single hour of not thinking about the interview. Since few days, I tried to call Attia, my junior in my master course who is now working as a PTD with Kementerian Perumahan but she is very busy i guess. Is this a bad sign? I hope not. But i remember that she used to tell me that one of the panel is a foreign guy. Aduuuh, i know that probably half of the interview will be conducted in English and what a pity, my english is still so-so, nothing to be proud of. Sedihnyaa. I trust my ability to deal with job interview. I know i will have no problem to express my thoughts or ‘goreng’ anything but to ‘goreng’ in english is hard. A friend used to told me that to excel in english speaking, u haf to think in english then speak in english. Do not ever ‘think in bahasa but try to elaborate in english’. When your mind and your words do not synchronize well, you are going nowhere and u might lost.

(Currently listening to Tiada Maaf Bagimu by Mely from the Intuisi album i bought last week). Risaunyaaaa !!! How to develop the confidence in myself ?? 9 days to go, but time flies very fast. One thing that i know for sure is, i will be accompanied by abah during the interview. I hope this will help to comfort me and who knows with abah by my side, i’ll gain more confidence. But how if i am failed ? Kecewanyaaaa.. I do not know whether i am strong enuf to face the panels, whether i have the gut to stay cool and relax like it is just a normal conversation. One thing that i hope very much is I will be able to give my best, to let the panels know what kind of person i am.

My journey from the first stage had been going smoothly but suddenly at this 3rd stage, everything seems not going smoothly as expected and the worse is i do not know which part! I have nobody around to help me with the preparation. Most of my close friends during PAC are staying far in KL and the nearest guy that i have the contact number is Mr 47 only but he is in Singapore! No difference as the communication cost is still high. Ahhh.. bencinya. I think he is still blurr this time and i hope he will not hesitate to give me any tips especially after his interview. I really hope that he is very kind to do that becoz his interview is one day earlier than mine, an advantage for me, is it? Tolong lah saya, encik.. L

Or perhaps i need to become ‘selamba jer’, like the way i used to be during my writing test and PAC. I am not seriously prepared those time and no friend around to help me, just being myself so maybe i need to take the same strategy to succeed? Make sense.. but very dangerous and risky, beware! So without further delay, i must start with intensive preparation, eventhough i am extremely busy with my work for this 2 weeks. This week i am busy with the preparation for Sambutan Maulidur Rasul this weekn. Next week, i haf to struggle like crazy with the documentation of ERM which must be submitted to KL on the 23rd. Macammana ni? But i will make sure that i read newspaper everyday, and to be exact, every page, every article and read betwwen lines! Then, stay concentrate on TV screen during Buletin Utama. What else? I plan to go to Perpustakaan Awam Pasir Gudang on this Sunday reading any material which might help me with the interview. Anybody wanna join me? Mr 47? Takmoh join ker, smbl2 pi tengok futsal digi ERA kat sini?

So, are they enough for my preparation? Plus solat hajat, doa and some spiritual efforts. Semoga dikurniakan ketenangan, kekuatan dan keterangan hati menghadapinya. Will i burst into tears during the interview? Is it really difficult? I dun think so, the panels just want to get to know with us personally. How we analyze situation, how we express our ideas and how do we expose ourselve, our charisma and credibility. I had been trained as a tough person since a long time, why must give up? Those interviewers are just testing, to identify if i am strong enough to defend myself from their attacks. I do not know if i really care about the pressure coz my current job needs me to face with different kind of pressure from different kind of people EVERYDAY. Now i know, i must stay calm, smile and do not show the panels if am stressed by their questions. A person said that i am very good in hiding my emotion as my expression usually shows nothing. I hope he is right and it applies very well during the stressful day. Why must worry? i had conduct so many interviews for my company, and now i am the one who will be interviewed, what’s the big deal ? (ececeh, berlagak)

I dare not to say anything about my chance. But i felt that this is the only opportunity for me to move on with new career. If i failed this time, i do not think i will do it next time coz after this i will be going far in HR field, i’ll be confirmed with my new post in HR as a section head and the remuneration will become much better. (ayat2 slps ini bunyinyer mcm berlagak atau kononnya nak positifkan diri)I wont give a damn if JPA doesnt want me in their service. I am not the one who need to regret but THEY WILL as they had overlooked my capabilities. A private employer who is from different race, trust my capability very much and do not hesitate to hire me during the 1st interview, datang terus dapat. And after only three years, they trust me to become the leader of a very unfamiliar department with me which i have no depth knowledge about it. I dun want to work only to increase the wealth of the shareholders of this company, i want to service the society, that’s why i want to join the public service, but what can i do if JPA look down on me. Err.. i just realized one thing, i am walking far away from my original field, computer science! Wamakaru Wamakarallah, Wallahuhairulmakirin.

Now, i felt much better, i need take a shower and prepare for a meeting tonight, regarding the Maulidur Rasul. Chow bebeh.. Wassalam.

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