8:59 a.m. - Wednesday, Apr. 06, 2005
A Miserable Start In April Blues.
It has been such along period since the last time I jot sumthing in this blog. What a pity, and actually waktu2 mcm ni lah yang I need this blog very2 much. This blog might not be the best listener for me but it will never ever membantah or hentam me even though I was wrong.

I wrote this entry at home. My new home to be exact, using my housemate’s pc. Rarely and hardly to find a free time to sit and spent sometime to pamper myself. Now still wearing my baju kurung, I haf no mood at all of doing anything. My housemate is not around, somewhere upstairs, haf no idea what she is doing right now.

My day was not going smoothly as expected. And should I say actually I did expect that a lot more trouble is coming on my way. On my way to..? Haha, no destination at all actually, I just let myself get through the fated life. And that reveal what kind of person I am right now. I am now a useless person. Huhu.. I lost myself, no more self confidence and very scared to death to face anything that going to happen tomorrow. Alamak, siapa ni?? Oh my God, I was not like this before. And this is one of the reason why I couldn’t held my tears now especially right now the song Pasrah Segalanya is airing on IKIM.

I do not know whether what I am doing right now is correct or wrong. But my decision now lead me to a lot of trouble which I try to accept positively knowing that La Yuallifallahu Nafsan Illah Wus’aha, tidak Allah bebankan hambanya melainkan dengan sesuatu yang sesuai dengan keupayaan hamba tersebut. Sometimes I start to think whether I am too sensitive or too weak. Will other person be stronger if they are in my shoes?

Haha… Jaja must be very aware about my condition right now. But it was not only that, personal matter is other case, now I am facing a lot more problem with my job, my workplace, my superior, my colleague and my downliner. A few months ago, I was so excited knowing that I am going to be promoted to a better post in HR. But that was temporary, stepping into the real world is not similar to learning through books or lecture. And the worst was when I found out that i am going to turn myself 180 degree which mean after 25 years of life, I need to turn into a different person. It is hard and really2 hard. I failed each time I try, so weird...

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